


I missed you

by TheIceQueen



Series: My Wincest works [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Anal Fisting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Jokes, Bathing/Washing, Bathtubs, Begging Sam Winchester, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Comforting Dean Winchester, Crying, Dildos, Doctor Dean Winchester, Eating, Embarrassed Sam Winchester, Embarrassment, Fear, Fisting, Forehead Kisses, Horny Dean Winchester, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry Sam Winchester, Jokes, Kissing, Love, Lube, M/M, Medical Examination, Medical Procedures, Men Crying, Men of Letters Bunker, Nervous Sam Winchester, Nervousness, No Safeword, Pain, Restraints, Sam Winchester is Not Amused, Sex Toys, Sleepiness, Sorry Not Sorry, Sort Of, Swearing, Talk about BDSM, Worried Dean, begging to stop, borderline non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 18:44:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14624793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIceQueen/pseuds/TheIceQueen
Summary: I received this question on my work >This can't be part of the job< (Story where Dean is basically non-con fisted to get a hex-bag out):Would you ever consider writing something similar like this, but with Sam and Dean?A couple of days later, on >Trust the doctor< (a piece where Sam lets Dean play doctor in a trust scene), I received these comments:Something tells me that Sam won’t let Dean do it if it wasn’t for fun. Well if Dean just wanted to check something Sam might go along with it. I don’t know how much Dean would know about the area or what’s normal or not.It stuck with me and in my weird mind I managed to connect the two, and I wrote this piece.Recap: Dean is helping Sam, and Sam doesn't like it.





	I missed you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TorchwoodCardiff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TorchwoodCardiff/gifts), [Cagedandfree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cagedandfree/gifts).



Dean didn’t leave Sam behind to go on a hunt often, but when it happened he was always looking forward to coming home. Sam missed him to the point that he would be horny and act all needy when he got back. Dean expected this time to be even more than last. He’d been away for almost two weeks on a case while Sam was on bedrest with a broken ankle, which should be out of the cast when he came home. Dean always handled separation better, but it had been too long, even for him.

Dean dropped the duffle bag on the floor right inside the door and entered the bunker, loudly announcing his return. Sam greeted him in the kitchen and Dean nearly attacked the taller guy, kissing him senseless, pressing their bodies together. God! Sam was already half hard.

“Were you going to start without me?” Dean grinned and cupped Sam’s bulge in his hand.

Sam jumped and looked down. He looked more startled than turned on, to be honest. Dean stole another quick kiss, before stepping back.

“I know. I smell like death. I’ll grab a quick shower.” He walked towards the door and then turned back to look at Sam again. “Of course, I can make it a long one, if you want to join me.”

Sam chuckled a little but shook his head. “No. I’ve just had one. You go.”

Dean went to the bunker’s showers. He should feel good, he’d come home from a hunt barely bruised and Sam had _obviously_ been happy to see him, but there was something in the way Sam had spoken and, in his face, that worried Dean. He’d never known Sam to give up the opportunity to shower with him after a hunt, either. His brother loved giving every little mark and scrape on his body way more attention than necessary.

After the shower Dean sneaked up on Sam standing in the library, nose deep in the book he’d just taken from the shelf he was facing. He put his hands on his waist and pulled Sam’s back against his own chest.

Sam gasped loudly from the surprise and almost dropped the book.

“Hey, there. Let’s put this one away. Nothing you can read is _that_ important.” Dean took the book from Sam and dropped it on a lamp table next to them.

With one arm wrapped around Sam’s waist, he moved the other down to once again find Sam’s half hard cock pressing at the jeans. He spun Sam around to look at his face. Grabbing tithg on his brother’s upper arms, he pulled Sam in for another kiss. Oh, how he’d missed that giant of his. He moved his hands down till he found Sam’s ass-cheeks and squeezed tight. Sam pulled away and looked down.

“Not now Dean.”

Dean was starting to believe that Sam was mad at him for some unexplainable reason. He went through all the texts from the last two weeks in seconds and found nothing to indicate that Sam had been angry. He took one of his hands. “Are you okay?”

Sam pulled his hand from his brother’s. “I’m okay. Just tired I guess.” He placed the book back on the shelf. “Let’s just go to sleep.”

Dean followed Sam to their room, studying his every move. He was walking kinda slow, which wasn’t compatible with him being angry. Was he sick?

Dean was confirmed in his assessment when Sam hissed as he sat down on the bed and tightened his jaw as he lifted his legs up to lie down. Dean lied down next to him. Pushed up on his elbow, he fingered Sam’s hair and looked down at him.

“Babe. What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

Sam shook his head and closed his eyes before he had to make eye-contact. “It’s just my stomach. I’m sure it’s better tomorrow.”

“You would tell me if something was wrong, right?”

Sam nodded and turned his back to Dean, obviously trying to mask a discomfort as he moved. Dean placed a feather-weight hand on Sam’s side and was relived as Sam allowed it to stay.

* * *

The next morning, Dean woke up alone. Sam was often up earlier than Dean, but not the day after they had spent two weeks apart.

He followed the smell of cooked bacon to the kitchen and found him leaning against the fridge, drinking from a bottle of water.

“Morning. I’ve made you breakfast. Figured you would be hungry since you didn’t eat after you came home last night.”

Dean was starving. He poured himself a cup of coffee and pecked Sam on the cheek on the way to the table. “Thanks. I’m famished. Come sit.”

Sam grabbed another bottle from the fridge. “I’ve already eaten. Have been up for a while.” He left for the library.

Dean looked at the empty door way for a few moments then shook his head. Something was definitely up. What if Sam was seriously ill? But he would say something, wouldn’t he?

Dean’s mind kept spinning as he almost finished his coffee and not even half of the eggs and bacon he’d stacked on his plate. When he’d stabbed the same piece of bacon more than fifteen times he gave up and followed his brother.

Sam was standing with his back against the bookshelf, reading a book that was way too big, not to be lying on a table. Dean walked over to him and slowly took the book from him. Sam let him.

“Sammy. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Noting.” Sam turned his head from his brother’s gaze.

“Sure. I can see that.” Dean was getting impatient. Even Sam had to know that he wasn’t hiding this well. “Are you hurt? Or sick?”

Sam bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head, still not looking at Dean.

“Okay that’s it!” Dean took a firm grip on Sam’s wrist and dragged him to the big table in the middle of the room and pulled out a chair for him. He sat down on the next chair, himself. “Sit! And tell me what the hell is going on.”

Sam stood frozen, like he was taking time to way his options. Then he pulled his arm from Dean. “No. I’ll be fine.”

Dean stood up and grabbed Sam by the shoulders. He was going to get his cleared up _now_. “You _tell_ me!” He pushed Sam forcefully down on the chair and his brother screamed out and grabbed on to the table and to Dean’s thigh. Dean was shocked. Sam was in way more pain than he’d thought. Why wouldn’t he ask him for help?

Dean hunched down in front of Sam gathering himself on the chair, trying to get his breathing in order. “Sorry. Sam, you’ve gotta let me help.”

“You can’t.”

“Tell me and we’ll find out.” Dean held Sam’s face in his hands and made him look at him. “We’re still wanted, you can’t go to a doctor.” Dean pressed his forehead against Sam’s and smiled. “I’m all you’ve got babe.”

Sam swallowed and bit his lip. Dean waited, more patiently than he’d ever been, for him to speak, then Sam nodded.

“It’s kinda… I don’t know what…” Sam looked away.

Dean pulled over a chair. “Okay. Let me start.” He thought over the morning and last night. “It hurts when you move to fast and when you sit down?”

Sam nodded.

“Okay… does it hurt now?”

“Not that bad.”

Dean moved closer, so one of his knees was between Sam’s. “Are you in pain all the time?” He put a hand on Sam’s stomach and watched his brother flinch for a quick second. Sam nodded again. Below Dean’s hand, he noticed that Sam was still half hard. Dean tried to read his brother’s face. He looked embarrassed, even more than the first time they’d watched porn together.

With a light hold on Sam’s chin, Dean moved his head to face him. “Sam. What the hell did you put up there?”

Sam jolted his head away but didn’t object to the question.

“Sammy?”

Sam swallowed and must have realized that Dean would keep on asking till he got an answer.

“The green one.”

Dean thought over their collection. “The training-dildo?” They hadn’t used that on over six years. Dean had used it on Sam before his brother was able to take Dean’s cock. Sam had always been tight and still was, but not _that_ tight. It was only the width of to fingers and six inches long.

“Why?”

Sam shifted position on the chair and winced slightly in the process. “It’s the only one that vibrates. I… I missed you and…”

“…and you decided to fill the void… literally.” Dean couldn’t help but grin but the firm grip on his shoulder, when Sam used him to push himself up, stopped that instantly.

“Not, fun Dean.”

“Too soon? Okay.” Dean got up too and took hold at Sam’s elbow to make sure he was standing alright. “It’s not still on is it?”

“Didn’t get that far.”

Dean figured as much. Sam would not have been able to stand or even talk for that matter if it was vibrating inside him for that long. He’d had it in there for all the time he’d been home, but…

“When…? How long?”

Sam walked a few steps, moving seemed to make him feel better.

“Sam! How _long_?!”

Sam looked at his feet. “Three days.”

Dean almost fell back on to the chair, he grabbed the back rest to steady himself. “But… how…? Sam you must be totally backed up.”

“No, I took something. I think everything just went passed it.”

Dean tried erasing the images in his head before they were scorched into his mind forever. He gathered himself and approached his brother again, wrapping an arm around his back, moving him out of the room. “Okay. Let’s have a look. It can’t stay in there.”

Sam looked confused at first but then realized what Dean meant and stopped.

“Sam. What other option do we have? Just be grateful that it’s not the first time I’ve seen your cute little ass.” He pushed again, and Sam followed compliantly to the back room of the infirmary.

* * *

It had been a huge storage room before the brothers moved in, but they had quickly seen other potential for the space. This had become one of two rooms in the bunker where safe words would be in play. Sam and Dean switched in their scenes and Dean had always been fond of the roughness of the dungeon, but when Sam was submissive he preferred the sterile room, in white and gray.

“Take of your pants. Do you need help to get up on the chair?”

Sam shook his head and slowly started to get undressed. Dean heard him gasping from discomfort, or maybe even pain as he sat himself op on the exam-chair. He looked small sitting there, rigid with his bare legs dangling between the leg rests.

Dean removed his shirt, leaving him with only a t-shirt, and hung it over a chair, before he took his brother’s hands. “Sam this is not a scene. No safe words, you just tell me to stop when you need it, okay? Just like taking care of an injury.”

Sam nodded and let Dean support him in leaning back on the chair. Dean was careful moving Sam’s legs, allowing him to adjust to the movement, and took extra care when moving the hurt ankle.

“Move down a little for me.”

Sam bored his fingers in the armrests on the chair and held his breath while lifting his lower body to move closer to Dean. Sam’s legs were shaking, not a lot, but enough to let Dean know that he was nervous. Dean walked up next to him and squeezed his shoulder tight, waiting for him to turn his head and look at him. When he did, Dean kissed him, deep and passionately.

When they broke of, Dean looked him in the eyes. “Relax Sammy. It probably just need to be moved a little and it will slide right out. It’s not that big remember?”

“Sure.” Sam didn’t sound like he believed Dean’s words, but he smiled and managed to calm his legs.

Dean sat down on a chair between Sam’s legs. Last time he was here, Sam was already hard and himself too. It had only been Sam who was nervous, and they had both been even more turned on from it. No one was turned on now, Sam’s half hard cock was probably a physical reaction to having something close to his prostate, and it had been three days, so Dean could only imagine how painful it must be.

Dean grabbed the lube and smeared it over his right index finger. “Sam. I’m just going to use a finger to see if I can reach it.”

“Okay.”

Dean watched Sam take a deep breath and then he slid his finger slowly inside. Sam gasped, louder than normally and maybe a little shocked.

“Does it hurt?”

Sam shook his head. “No. Just…” he looked at the ceiling. “I guess I’m just sensitive.”

“Okay, babe. I’ll be careful.” Dean pressed his finger in past the knuckle.

Feeling inside, Dean had his eyes free to watch his brother’s face and his breathing. Sam handled it well. Controlling his breaths and actually relaxing, allowing Dean to press his finger as far in as it would go.

Dean didn’t find anything, he moved skillfully passed Sam’s prostate without touching it. The foreign object had to be right there. He pressed harder on Sam’s muscle, to reach just a little further. Sam held his breath for a second and then relaxed again, as he did, the tip of Dean’s finger grazed something hard.

“Got it Sam. It’s far up though. I’ll add another finger.”

Dean pulled almost all the way out and let Sam relax for a second before he lubed up his middle finger and pressed it in alongside the other. Sam didn’t react much, he’d gotten over the shock of being extra sensitive from having a toy in his ass for three days. With his middle finger Dean could feel the bottom of the toy. It wasn’t exactly sharp, but the edge of the plastic base was not made for being inside the body, and Dean felt his heart burning from realizing how much pain Sam must be in to have this thing stuck crooked inside and the base jammed into his inner wall.

“Babe. I feel it. The bottom of it is stuck. It’s not that bad. I’ll just try to push it up a bit to get it free.” Dean waited for Sam to look at him before moving. Sam had to set the pace for this. When he did, he nodded and sent Dean a little smile.

“Relax now, I’ll need to push.”

Sam leaned his head back and took a few deep breaths, and Dean felt him relax immediately. Dean placed his middle finger on the dildo and pushed. Sam yelped and pushed himself op in the chair. Dean quickly pulled out, he stood up and reached up to place a firm hand on Sam’s waist.

“Sorry, man. I’m sorry.”

Sam lifted a hand, as to ask Dean to give him a little time. His eyes were closed while he got his breathing in order again.

“I’m… I’m okay.” Sam was still winded, but his legs started to relax again.

“Maybe you should go see a doctor.” Dean was worried that the other end of the toy were pressing at something that could get damaged from it. He hadn’t even moved it a quarter of an inch.

“I can’t. Remember? Our faces are everywhere.” Sam’s voice was airy, but he seemed to have gotten his lungs to cooperate again.

“But Sam. You’re in too much pain for me to do anything.” Dean wiped of his hand and moved to Sam’s side.

Sam looked him in the eyes. He looked angry and determined. “I’m _not_ spending the rest of my life in prison because I got a freaking training dildo stuck in my ass.”

Sam had a glimpse in his eye, even though he couldn’t conjure up a smile.

“Would it have been better if it was my black plug?”

If eyes could kill, Dean had been on the floor.

“Okay. I get it; not fun.” Dean held both hands up in a surrendering gesture. Sam grabbed one of them and waited for the situation to become serious again before he spoke calmly.

“Just get this thing out of me.”

Dean brushed Sam’s hair from his face and kissed his forehead. “Okay. Move down again.”

Sam moved down, and Dean opened the drawer with their medical instruments. He picked the biggest anal speculum he’d used on Sam. He looked at the one slightly bigger, but Sam had never taken that, however Dean was sure that he could get the dildo through this one, if only he could figure out how to get it loose. He sat down and put lube on the speculum.

“Sam this will be cold. I’m opening op, so I can see, okay?”

“Okay.” Sam grabbed on to the armrests.

He tensed up when Dean put the cold metal to his entrance, but quickly relaxed and Dean pushed the tool inside. He moved it slowly and when he felt it touching the plastic inside Sam, he stopped before Sam felt it.

“Okay Sam. Here we go.” He pressed the two handles together and the tool opened in three parts. Making Sam’s hole a perfect triangle.

Sam’s grip on the armrests tightened and his toes curled.

“Breathe Sammy. Just a little more. Remember to tell me if it hurts.”

Sam did his best to take deep breaths while nodding at Dean to let him know that he’d head him, but he didn’t say anything.

When the speculum was open all the way, Dean rubbed a hand on Sam’s slightly shaking thigh and reached for a small flashlight. Looking inside he could see half the base of the green toy, and as expected the edge was pressed into the wall barely half an inch past his prostate. There was no way Dean could reach to do anything with his fingers. Mentally he went over every tool they had in the playroom, the infirmary and even a few from the kitchen. Then he remembered a pair of long-reach pliers Sam had used to dig out a bullet from Dean’s shoulder a few months ago. Dean instinctively rubbed his scar and took a look inside again.

“Dean?”

Sam must have thought it had been too long with no explanation. Dean stood up and rubbed Sam’s knee. “I know it’s uncomfortable to be open like this, but I gotta grab a few things in the other room. I’ll be quick.”

Sam nodded, and Dean left the room, hoping that they hadn’t put the plier back in the tool box. They hadn’t. When Dean came back in with the tool and some other stuff, Sam had turned his head to face the door, but he wasn’t really looking at anything. Dean hurried over and put the stuff on the little table next to Sam. He was shaking more now, and Dean had to get this done.

He stood next to his brother and leaned down to kiss him. While they kissed Dean reached over and pulled a belt over Sam’s hip. Before Sam figured out what exactly was going on, Dean had strapped him tight to the chair.

“What?!”

Dean brushed a light hand down the side of his face. “Sammy. It’s not safe for you to move but remember; it’s not a scene. Tell me to stop and I will.”

Sam bit his lover lip and Dean kissed him again hoping it would ease his nerves just a little. He sat down and took the plier and a tongue depressor. “Sam. I’m going to put some pressure inside you to move it without hurting you.”

Sam grabbed tight again, and Dean saw him tense as he placed the depressor on the tissue under the toy. He figured this would be the best way to make sure it didn’t get stuck again on the way out. God forbid it would get stuck closer to the prostate. He took a deep breath and willed his hand to stop shaking before he moved the plier in. It reached the dildo easily and fit perfectly over the base.

“Hold still now Sammy.”

Sam hummed in response and tensed his entire body to get ready for the pain. Dean pressed in a little and Sam groaned loudly. Dean couldn’t get it free yet, so he pressed a little more and Sam screamed out loud, his head turned rapidly to the side and his eyes were closed tight. If he hadn’t been restrained he would have jumped of the table, Dean was sure of it. Not sure if it was loose Dean pressed the wooden depressor harder to the side and tried to pull the toy passed it. The plier lost it’s grip. Sam was panting and shaking violently but Dean had to try again. He got hold of the toy and pulled it. The plier lost its grip again. This wasn’t working.

Dean dropped the plier and the depressor on the table and slowly closed the proctoscope and took it out. He stood by Sam’s side again and hugged him tight.

“Sorry, babe.”

Sam was panting, and his arms were shaking a little when he wrapped them around Dean.

“Sam, I think we should go to a hospital now.”

“No! Dean we can’t. I won’t.”

Dean held Sam’s face I both hands and looked him in the eyes. “Okay.” He nodded determined and saw the confusion in Sam’s eyes, without explanation or warning he pulled another belt over Sam and strapped it tight over his chest.

“Dean?” Sam sounded scared.

Dean just looked him in the eyes and pecked him quickly on the mouth. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course, I trust you, but…”

Dean moved to Sam’s right leg and strapped his knee and then his ankle before he walked to the other side. Sam was following his every move while he restrained that leg too.

“Are your ankle well enough so I can tie it down too?”

“Yeah…” Sam nodded and pulled a little in the strap over his chest, but it wasn’t moving. “Dean, please what…?”

Dean approached Sam again. “When was the last time you ate?”

Sam looked confused. “Ehm, not since before.”

Dean thought Sam had looked more tired that normal, but he’d brushed it of to coming from pain. Dean straightened his back and looked up at nothing to think, he talked more to himself than to Sam. “Shit.”

He looked at Sam again who seemed to have realized what Dean was thinking, he wasn’t confused anymore, now he was scared.

“Dean? What are you going to do?”

Sam’s voice was timid, and Dean understood that explanation was in order. He grabbed Sam’s hand. “Sam. Last time; do you want to see a doctor?”

Sam took a deep breath and looked firmly at Dean. “No!”

Dean combed his hand trough Sam’s hair and nodded. “Okay, okay. I would like to knock you out, but we only have morphine and you haven’t eaten for three days. It’s not safe.”

Sam nodded, he knew that wasn’t an option and they both knew that if he gave him only a little Sam would eventually freak out from not being in control. Last time, he’d had a panic attack and Dean had to drug him till he passed out. This time he was already scared without the drug.

Dean kissed his little brother on the forehead and tilted the back rest on the chair a little further down. He placed a small pillow under Sam’s head, so he could still comfortably see him as he walked to stand between Sam’s restrained legs.

“Do you trust that I won’t ever harm you?”

Sam nodded, but bit his lower lip. Both of them knew that the word _harm_ was only used when they had to separate pain from injury, so they couldn’t use the word _hurt_.

Dean took the lube and opened it. “I’m going to use my hand.” He looked at his brother’s eyes getting bigger as the message sunk in.

“No… Dean. You can’t.”

“I have to babe. I’ll go slow.” Dean poured an excessive amount of lube on his hand.

Sam shook his head and fought the restrains. “No leave it. It’ll come out.”

Sam was grasping at straws and Dean hated that he had to do this. He had never even considered that this could be pleasurable for Sam, ever. He hadn’t even tried it himself. He’d thought about it but truthfully, he was kinda scared.

“You know that’s not true, Sam.” He sat down on the chair but could still see the frightened eyes staring at him. “Here’s how it gonna go. It’s still not a scene. You have to remember that. This is necessary, so you can’t tell me to stop, but I’ll give you a break whenever you need one.”

“Dean! NO! Leave it. Fuck! I can’t!”

Dean swallowed and had to convince himself one last time that this was for the best. “Talk to me, babe. Let me know how you’re holding up. Okay?”

He brushed his hand over Sam’s already pink entrance and made sure the lubricant was smeared over his entire hand too. Sam tried to move away, but he was tied up with little to no room to move.

Dean pressed in the first two fingers and was relieved, that even though Sam was squeezing around him they slipped in rather easily.

“Please Dean.” Sam sounded scared. More than Dean had experienced in a long time and he reconsidered the morphine for a moment if he would panic anyway he might as well do it with less pain.

“Sam, I’m sorry, but there’s no other way. Breathe for me.”

Dean held still and waited for Sam to look at him. Sam found Dean’s eyes and eventually he took a deep breath.

“You need to stay calm. You need to tell me how it feels, if it hurts. I have to know that I’m not doing anything to harm you.”

“O… Okay.”

Sam laid his head back on the pillow and looked at the ceiling. Dean turned his fingers and pushed in as far as he could without touching the foreign object inside. He slowly added another finger and looked observantly at Sam. His brother took a few faster and deeper breaths but was quickly back to the same rhythm. The fourth finger made Sam gasp loudly. He’d only ever taken four.

“Babe?”

“I’m okay.” Sam was clearly concentrating on his breathing and on holding still. His fingers were pressed so hard around the edges of the armrests that his fingertips were white.

Dean turned his hand as far as it would go and poured more lube on it before turning it back. He tried separating his fingers inside, but it was too tight for him to do anything but turn his hand, and bend and stretch his fingers a little.

“Sam try and relax for me. I know it’s hard but try.”

Dean felt Sam loosen a little around his fingers. “Good. Babe that’s really good.” Dean turned his hand once more and let Sam get adjusted to the feeling of movement, then he pressed in his thumb too.

Sam whined and pulled against the straps. He squeezed so Dean’s fingers almost got pushed out. Dean held still. “Sammy, breathe. I’ll give you time.”

“I… No… It’s not…” Sam couldn’t get the words past his heavy gasping for air.

“Hey, Sam. Take your time. Just tell me; does it hurt?”

Sam shook his head, and Dean drew a sigh of relief. He knew there would be pain and he knew that it would be soon, but he was happy that it wasn’t already. If Sam would have been in pain now, it would might not even be possible to do this without damaging something. Slowly, Sam calmed down and started to relax around Dean, but Dean didn’t move. Not until Sam had had the chance to say what he wanted.

“Babe? You with me?”

“I’m okay, it’s just so damn tight.”

“I know, it won’t be long now. Try to relax as much as you can and let me know the second it start to hurt.”

“Dean just… just stop, leave it.” Sam was scared, and it sounded like he was close to crying.

Dean embraced Sam’s leg with his free arm and kissed his inner thigh. “I get that this it freaking you out, but we don’t have a choice. Just keep talking to me.”

Dean pushed in slowly and Sam held his breath. Dean’s hand pulled a bit out and then pushed again, and again. Sam moaned loudly every time Dean would get to the tightest place, but slowly that tight space gave, little by little. Dean pressed harder and Sam’s moans turned to high-pitched whimpers and he fought the intrusion. Dean added pressure again.

“Stop!”

Dean held the pressure, he didn’t press further in, but didn’t pull back either. Sam was gasping, and his hands were reaching between his legs to grab Dean’s arm but the belt over his chest kept him from it.

Dean grabbed his brother’s one hand with his free. “Shh. Sammy. I’m not moving. Take time to adjust.”

“It hurts.” Sam was boring his fingers in the skin on Dean’s hand.

“I know babe. I’m almost there, you’re doing good. Now lay back and let me know when you are able to continue.”

Sam held on to Dean a few more seconds before he let go and rested his head back on the pillow and covered his eyes with the crook of his elbow. Dean watched how his legs were shaking, and his mouth were wide open to fill his lungs faster for each gasp. Slowly but surely, Sam’s chest movement got slower and his toes uncurled. Dean felt him relax around his fingers, but he held still and didn’t move. Sam would let him know.

“Dean…”

“What is it, babe?”

“I’m okay.”

“Sure?”

Sam nodded still with his arm over his eyes.

“Okay, Sam. Listen. I’m going to push inside now, you’re ready.”

Sam’s other hand grabbed tight on the belt over his waist and he nodded again. Dean felt him tightening a bit, but not enough to make him reconsider. This was going to hurt Sam. He hated when Sam was hurt after a hunt and he had to put him through more pain to fix it, even though Sam always handled it really well, Dean hated it. This time he hated it even more. This room, this chair and Sam’s legs spread apart should be fun, and Sam’s ass should’ve never felt nothing but pleasure.

Dean watched Sam’s breathing and when he started on the next exhale Dean pressed his hand as far as he could before Sam tightened up too much. He tired again and got a little further. Sam was moaning in pain for every time. The fourth time Dean kept pressure and slowly felt the muscle give in and his hand started to sink in further. Sam screamed loudly and again tried to desperately reach for Dean’s arm, but this time Dean didn’t stop. It had to be done, no matter how much he hated seeing tears rolling down Sam’s face, it had to be done. The hand slipped passed the muscle and Dean relaxed his arm when Sam’s tight ring closed around his wrist.

Sam was still moaning, undoubtedly in pain. Dean Could feel the dildo between his fingers but did his best not to move it. Sam needed time. He tried taking Sam’s hand again, but his brother pushed his hand aside still trying to reach for Dean’s other arm.

“Look at me.”

Sam was staring at Dean’s arm leading up into him. Once in a while he’d knock his head back on the pillow to let out a moan or a sob, but soon he would be back, focusing on that arm, trying to reach it.

Dean did everything to not move inside Sam and let him adjust. He kissed Sam’s thigh again and looked at him.

“Sammy, Babe. Look at me. I’m not moving.”

Sam looked at Dean. Dean thought he’d seen every kind of Sam’s puppy-dog-eyes, it was a specialty his brother had perfected, but he’d never seen pleading eyes like the ones looking at him now.

“Take it out.” Sam fell back on the pillow, looking back on the ceiling. “Please take it out.” He was panting, and tears ran quietly from his eyes.

Dean wanted to just grab the dildo and pull it out fast, but Sam would be hurt, and he knew he only had one change. He needed a secure grip, and if he was going to get that, he had to push in, just and inch more, so his thumb was on the side of the toy too.

Dean rubbed his free hand on Sam’s stomach. “Shh, Babe. It’s almost over. I can get it like this. Just let yourself breath for a second, okay?”

After a minute or so Sam stilled, lying limp in the chair, still breathing too fast and clearly in discomfort but it seemed like the pain had lessened.

“Sam? Are you in pain?”

Sam shook his head. “Not now, but it’s too much. Dean, please.”

“Okay, Babe. It will hurt when I move the dildo, like before, but this time I won’t lose the grip.”

Sam looked Dean in the eyes and held on to the armrests again, then he nodded for Dean to get it over with.

Dean removed his hand from Sam’s stomach and placed it firmly on his thigh, then he pushed in an inch and Sam screamed when he moved the dildo from the place it had been for three days and in to a tight grip between all five fingers. Sam was sobbing and pressing his head back in the pillow like he was trying to get his mind as far away as possible. Dean wanted to hurry, but he took his time to get a firm grip on the toy, before pulling out slowly.

“Fuck!” Sam was yelling and hitting the chair as Dean moved his hand out of him. “No, wait! Dean!”

Dean had trouble moving out, he had to make almost a fist around the dildo to not lose it because of all the lube, and it made his hand that much bigger than going in.

“Almost. Hang in there, Babe.”

Sam shook his head all the way from side to side and screamed in pain as Dean got closer, and then froze, every muscle tensed, his head all the way to the left, holding his breath. The widest part moved passed Sam’s ring and Dean’s hand and the little green dildo slipped easily out the rest of the way.

Dean dropped the dildo on the table and grabbed some paper to wipe of his hand while he walked around to Sam’s head. Sam was shaking all over and his breathing was dangerously close to hyperventilation. Dean clicked the restraints of his chest and waist.

“Sammy?”

Dean turned Sam’s head, so they were face to face and carefully brushed the wild and damp hair from his brother’s eyes.

He looked up, and Dean noticed new tears building up Sam’s eyes and his lower lip starting to quiver. Dean pulled up Sam in a hug, supported the back of his head with one hand and wrapping the other arm tight around his back. Dean held him for a while before Sam wrapped his arms around Dean too. The next minutes, Dean listened to him cry and eventually to his breathing slowing down.

“Dean.” Sam was still crying, but Dean was pleased to hear him speak.

“Yeah, Babe.”

“Get me of this thing.”

Dean lowered Sam slowly and took time to look him in the eyes, to make sure he was really there, and that he knew that Dean was there too. Dean nodded at him and left his side to go release his legs from the belts. Once it was done, he slowly lifted Sam’s legs down grabbed his hand to pull him up. Sam whimpered a little as he got up and Dean pulled him up to stand.

“Let’s get you to the bathtub huh?”

Sam nodded and went along with Dean pulling his arm over his shoulder and supported him while walking. Dean was amazed that Sam was even capable of walking, his knees were shaking but he mostly held his own weight.

* * *

There wasn’t bathtub in the bunker when they moved in, but Dean had installed one next to the infirmary, it was just easier with a tub when they were hurt, or after scenes. Dean helped Sam sit down and take of his shirt. His little brother, had stopped crying and was now only hiccuping for air once in a while. Dean turned on the water and Sam leaned far back.

When the water was warm enough, Dean switched to the removable shower head and sat on the edge of the tub. He sprayed the water over Sam’s thighs, belly and chest. Sam leaned his head back and looked up at Dean. He seemed calm for the first time since Dean had gotten home, tired and puffy-eyed, but calm. Dean kissed his lips lightly and Sam closed his eyes and relaxed while the warm water rose to cover his body.

Dean turned off the water, and for a moment he just sat there looking at his gentle giant. Sam opened his eyes and looked at Dean.

“Sam.”

Sam hummed as a response.

“I’ll go get you something to snack on before you pass out, and you should probably drink something too.” Dean moved to get op, but Sam grabbed his wrist.

“Stay.”

“I’ll be right back.” Dean removed Sam’s hand from his arm and sprinted to the kitchen, and only seconds later he arrived with chocolate and juice.

He noticed a new tear slowly making its way over Sam’s cheekbone. He kneeled down and whipped it away with his thumb and fed him a piece of chocolate.

Dean got undressed and carefully sat down in the water, in front of him. He held the glass of juice to Sam’s lips and he drank it greedily.

Dean wanted Sam to rest and maybe even get some sleep, they’d both slept in the warm water supported by the other’s arms countless times, but he needed to do something first.

“Sammy.”

“Yeah.” Sam didn’t move, and his eyes were almost closed.

“I need to make sure you’re okay.”

Sam looked at him. He didn’t understand.

“Is… is there something wrong?”

Dean grabbed both Sam’s hands. “I’m sure everything it fine. There was no blood, I checked, but now that you have calmed down, I need to make sure everything is fine. It’ll be quick I promise.”

Sam looked like he was going to cry again, so Dean decided that they better just get it done. He put his hand’s behind Sam’s knees and pulled his ass a little closer to himself. Sam bit his lip but kept looking Dean in the eyes. Dean got up on his knees and cupped Sam’s chin and cheek in his hand.

“One finger. Nothing more Sammy.”

Sam nodded, and Dean moved his hand down Sam’s thigh to eventually brush his fingertip over the abused muscle.

Sam whimpered, and Dean whished that he didn’t had to do this, but they had been through enough scenes to know, that making sure no one is hurt after, is essential. Dean lifted Sam’s face a little. He wasn’t panicking.

“I’m only checking the muscle. I’m not pushing in past the knuckle.”

Sam took a deep breath and when he released it Dean pushed in slowly. Sam was shaking again, and tears was running down his face.

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“Sore…”

Dean leaned in and pressed his forehead against Sam’s as he moved his finger to feel the muscle, all the way round. Sam tilted his head up and kissed Dean on the mouth, still crying and gasping for air. Dean took his finger out and held Sam’s face with both hands as they kissed passionately. Eventually Sam’s head dropped to Dean’s shoulder and his hands found their way to his older brother’s back.

“Am… am I…?”

“Perfect as always, Sammy. You’ll be just fine.”

Sam relaxed, and Dean had trouble holding him up. He stood up and while holding Sam up with one hand and supporting his head with the other, he moved to sit behind him.

Dean let his brother’s head slide down to rest in the crease of his elbow. He loved how much Sam trusted him. Even after what he just went through, Sam was lying heavy, with his eyes closed, and his head, held over water by Dean’s arm only. Dead reached for a small hand towel, soaked it and carefully washed the traces of tears from Sam’s face. Letting his breathing tell him that Sam was falling asleep.


End file.
